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| Oh, how obvious… Whenever I feel like shit I’ll rant on a blog site, cry me a river; je sais.
I hate when people give me constant reminders of how much of an awful person I am. I guess people really can not change, I thought I changed, but people seem to not be able to let me live my past down. I am disgusted at myself for writing this. Maybe I over think things, but I can’t really help when something makes me feel bad. Just because I say nothing of it, does not mean it’s non existent.
I had an intimate pre Christmas dinner with some friends today. I really am not one to care about gifts. But I do find it a little upsetting when I personally put a lot of thought into a gift. I go out and take the time to find nice gifts; I prioritize the people in my life. And in return I receive vain gifts that are basically a slap in the face telling me the person does not care. I am not concerned about a price tag that comes with the gift; I am concerned with the effort and thought put into it. Please do not give me the excuse that you are busy, look around because everyone is busy that includes me; I found time for you, I found time to plan and cook a dinner, I found time to leave town, come back and still be prepared.
Another thing that just gets my goat, when someone intentionally singles you out; this is completely unnecessary. I try to never do this to anyone, I am surprised people have the heart to do it to me. Whatever, you can complain that I am playing victim; but if you can not find time for me, how can you find time to pay enough attention to even know what’s going on.
I am not sure what I plan on doing. A new year’s coming up.
Also, I think this should be the last entry for this xanga for now. This blog has had its fair share of my turmoil of bipolar emotions. I’ll probably write a private friends only blog later on to let you guys know what my new site will be. Best wishes and hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Year.
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| Why do I keep having dreams about being a witch?
Last night's dream:
I don't remember the starting point, we were on a mission because the ground beneath us was falling apart and it was sorta like a scene from 2012 except we were on pieces of falling ground. And we had brooms haha, so after we survive that craziness, make it to the safe land we decide we'll celebrate by having sushi. However the sushi place is very far away, it's at Finch so we'd have to fly there via broom, but we can't let the humans see or else we'd get into trouble. It takes us forever, we're supposed to meet the adults at the sushi place and half way through the trip we take a break to get (LOL). My best friend's brother and I share a broom because I am a failure wizard and have trouble with it. He then kisses me and I stop him, get grossed out and try to change the subject. Dream changes, I am back in the real world. I buy chocolate and go back to my 6th grade best friend's house bring her and her brother chocolate and wish them happy birthday. As I Was leaving I see this tiny girl holding a sign while her parents watch her from the porch. The sign was advertising something, like a yard sale... In smaller print it said something like "Clients may not try on my hat" LOL. I wait for my bus and go home.
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| I fucked up. Eugh, so guilt ridden I don't know what to do with myself. I miss you like crazy, but I have a strong feeling I screwed up so bad.
Oh well, I can only hope for the best. If not, I've got to move on; that is life. Hah, that is so much easier said than done.
Less than a month until winter break, I can not wait!
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| My OCD is that when I walk I have to avoid stepping on any lines or cracks on my path. It’s mild, but some days it will go as far as not stepping where if a crack continued it would be in that spot (if you understand that). Just a random fact, I have no clue why I shared it.
Here’s another random fact, I have a really good memory when it comes to my dreams. And my dreams are quite often bizarre. My dream last night was dramatic, it was very fun. This dream had everything! There was romance, action, mystery and even suspense.
I was going up the elevator with my relatives (they lived in my friend Jonathan's building for some reason, they’re actually all in America) and this cute dude was in the elevator with us we started talking and turns out he lived on the same floor as my relatives (8th floor). We talked about random stuff and how the 21st floor was a really nice place (That’s where Jonathan lives) so I told him I had a friend who lives on the 21st floor. When we got off the elevator I told him to miss connection me and he didn't know what it was, so my cousin said he'd explain to him what it was. When we were separated I told my relatives I wasn't actually interested, I just wanted someone to write me a missed connection.
We went back to my uncle’s new apartment which was on the 8th floor, my cousin and I made dinner for the family, after which I got into a huge argument with my uncle’s new fiancé. I told her that she was useless and explained how he’s had more wives than I have shoes (this is not true, he does not even have a new fiancé) the argument resulted in me throwing food at her, dropping a glass cup and breaking it. After cleaning up the glass, I stood up and apologized to her, in my sweetest voice (even if she was wrong) to make the family happy. My uncle came back in after a while and told me he saw the guy from the elevator, and told him that my birthday was February. I told my uncle my birthday is in fact in December.
After dinner, my cousin and I explored my uncle’s new apartment which turned out to be huge. His office had a plate with some food crumbs on it, and these gross looking huge alien maggots, we poked at them for fun then they started attacking. So we ran away, and in order to pass my wizard training I had to jump on this platform, do a double jump and land on the other side while avoiding the alien maggots. All the other witches and wizards had so little trouble; I however had a hard time. This dude that looked like the devil tried to help me but it still did not work. I guess I never passed my wizard exam; darn it!
So yeah… That was Sunday night’s dream.
Oh, ps: My birthday is in exactly one month, cool.
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| Three AM tonight I will be in bed, and he will be in Paris. Eughhh what the hell is wrong with me?!
I now know how you felt, when I left. And I know karma is going to bite me in the ass. I was heartless.
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